Readers ask very little for their $1.13

- Source unknown

I'm going to give $1.13 (plus HST) to the newspaper staff. Divide it
up any way you wish.

Now, for that money I am giving you tonight, I want you to deliver
tomorrow to my house a newspaper that will contain more reading than
the current bestselling novel. I want all the news. And I want every
bit of it to be fresh.

I want pictures of all the local accidents, fires, meetings and events
that I'm interested in - and I don't want to see any that offend me
either.

I expect you to tell me who dies, who was born, who was divorced and
who was married in the last week, including the last 24 hours.

I want to know what those guys in the government are doing with my tax
money. I want to understand all the important plans and results, but I
don't want to have to waste more than a couple of minutes on your story.

I want to read just as much about the New Democrats and the Greens as
the Conservative and Liberal parties.

Don't tell me you can't do it. That what I invested my $1.13 for. The
only reason you won't do it is because you haven't any competition.

I want all the supermarket prices, a list of people with used cars for
sale, the movie and TV times, and the closing stock market prices.

If I break the law, I don't you to print my name in the paper. And if
I have a friend who's in trouble, you can leave him out, too. But: I
want to know everyone else who is in trouble, by name.

Another thing: I'm sick and tired of misspelled words in your paper.
For $1.13, you ought to do better.

By the way: I eat promptly at 5 p.m. and my paper better be at my
front door long before that. (Not on the steps, not in the rain, not
in the yard.)

When I meet you in the street, I expect to hear all the inside dope. I
expect you to serve as publicity chair for every committee in town.
And if I call the paper and ask how many kids Al Capone had, or what
round Dempsey knocked out Tunney (or was it the other way around), I
expect you to know and tell me.

Right then. So I'll leave you to it.